I am fat. For the first 38 years of my life I was trim enough to look good in a bikini. Then shit…er…life…happened. Tough stuff. I was a single mom on top of it all and working a really demanding job in high-tech. I just didn’t know how…and didn’t have the energy…to deal with the emotions that all that tough stuff brought up. So I ate. And ate. And ate.
I’m not alone. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) says that 66% of Americans over the age of 20 are overweight or obese and half of those…33% of Americans (one-third)…are actually obese like me. Thirty years ago the numbers were quite different…47% were overweight or obese and 15% were obese. It’s not a good trend…for the country…or for me personally.
I’ve lived life in two different bodies. I can still remember what life was like in that thin (and younger) body…I had lots of energy, always had a boyfriend, I was athletic and active, I looked great in anything I wore, I could buy clothes in regular departments in regular stores, I had a flat stomach, I loved the way I looked, and I smiled a lot.
I experience life differently now in an obese body. I buy clothes at Lane Bryant or in the plus size departments, which are often in department store basements. (That is a not-so-subtle message to overweight women that we have been bad and are literally banished to the basement.) The seatbelt on airplanes still fits around my enlargened belly, but barely. I often have a middle seat vacant because people don’t want to be squeezed in the middle next to me.
Diane and friend (just a friend) at Town Lake in Austin April 2009
Sometimes I see people in the grocery store checking out what is in my grocery cart…I guess to see if I’m buying fat people food like Cheetos and double stuffing Oreos. There’s a lot of guilt and shame around being obese and sometimes I feel people stare at me like “What is WRONG with you?” I have a very good friend who is from Los Angeles and is no skinny winny himself, but when a friend of his from image-obsessed LA comes to town or he’s around another southern California person, he tells a lot of fat jokes…in front of me…like I’m not there.
Speaking of that, I think a lot of people look right through obese people and don’t acknowledge us or look us in the eyes. It’s like they are afraid they will catch something if they do. That could be due to a recent study that says if you hang around fat people, it can influence you to be fat. Thanks. That helps a lot.
On 8/26/09, Newsweek published an article entitled “America’s War on the Overweight.” In it, they talk of how society views fat people as lazy and morally deficient gluttons who just can’t control themselves. Each overweight person has their own story of what led them to be the way they are…and it usually isn’t (at least solely) about a lack of willpower. The authors question how we can be a country that so hates fat people when so many of us are fat. They say it is a form of self-loathing…that we project onto other fat people what we feel about ourselves.
Fat people are seen as unhealthy and a burden to our society. It is true that if you’re overweight, that your medical costs can be greater, but from my own personal experience, I can tell you that it is darn near impossible if you’re a self-employed fat person to even get health insurance and when and if you do, you pay through the nose for it. I can also tell you that I have not been to the doctor even once this year, am on zero medications, and have a normal blood pressure. A year ago I was diagnosed as being mildly diabetic, but I have been eating better and exercising daily and now have a normal A1C (measures blood sugar over a three-month period) and would no longer be classified as diabetic (I test my own blood sugar regularly). And still…I pay a LOT more for my health insurance than a person of normal weight who is on nine different medications and going to the doctor regularly does…just because I’m overweight.
People still think it’s okay to publicly make fat jokes. I love David Letterman, but he regularly pokes fun at people who are overweight. Michigan is the only state with a law (enacted in 1977) against discriminating against overweight people. According to the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA) website, the only cities in the U.S. with such laws are Washington DC, San Francisco, Santa Cruz (CA), Binghamton (NY), Urbana (IL), and Madison (WI). Nevada has legislation waiting to be approved. Although I can’t prove it, I would bet money that I have been turned down for jobs because of my size. NAAFA reports that 43% of overweight people have experienced bias from employers and supervisors. Statistics show that overweight people can even make less money than their thinner counterparts.
There’s so much heaviness in our bodies, our nation, and in our world. Our weight is like wearing a billboard that says that we have experienced…and still carry…sorrow, loss, hopelessness, and a need for love.
In the 1980s, there was a Pantene commercial where the gorgeous-haired Kelly LeBrock said “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.” I’d like to say to anyone listening “Don’t hate me because I’m fat.” I could use a lot more compassion and a lot less judgment. In this nation of ever increasing overweight people, a lot of us could.
I hear you, Diane. My Wii regularly tells me I’m obese. In fact, I’m pegged at the top of the scale. I don’t have high blood pressure or diabetes, and except for a condition completely unrelated to being overweight though exacerbated by it, I am healthy. In fact, my blood pressure’s generally on the low end.
I think you’re right when you say this country has a serious self-loathing problem. We’re bombarded on a regular basis with advertising and media that show us that those who are thin are the ones who are celebrated and successful. So much so that even those who are the examples of that celebration think they’re fat. Think Nicole Richie and Lindsey Lohan to name a few recent examples.
I’m trying to lose weight because of how it affects my lymphedema and not because I buy the idea that every overweight person is a ticking time bomb waiting to drop dead of a heart attack or develop diabetes. Yes, we’re at greater risk. And yes, we’d probably feel better and have more energy if we lost the weight, but being ridiculed is not the way to encourage someone to lose weight.
I actually have a job (part-time now but looking to full-time in just a few weeks) where I can be sacked for not maintaining a prescribed weight. I am currently over that number (far over) and have been trying for the past six months to get under (in fact I will be weighed again by my doctor in just an hour). It has caused me so much sadness and frustration. I exercise and eat well, consider myself generally healthy though I do have high blood pressure which mysteriously crops up from time to time though I lived the majority of my life with low blood pressure (I feel that it is due to stress and no small amount of that stress is related to obsessing about my weight). Most people do not think that I am fat because I am tall and apparently have a gift for packing it in but the scale does not lie (at all). I agree that we live in a society that makes us feel bad about our weight instead of providing positive solutions to help people make changes to healthier lifestyles. Every magazine in the checkout stand is diet focused, there are always stories about how the stars lost their baby fat in six weeks or less and I’m sure we could all do it if we had a personal trainer, personal chef, personal nanny, etc…At this time, I try to be supportive to those I know who are struggling and gladly accept the support of a good friend and my great husband as they share this journey with me. I, who used to be really thin and really did think that fat people were lazy have had the direct karma experience. Judgment is for the weak. Diane, you have my support.
Thank you for your good article.
I made it through the doctor’s appointment with a three pound loss and great blood pressure. Thanks for this post today, Diane!
Love your writing and always relate!! I think adding weight as we age, and especially when we lived a life of being skinny, is such a downer! My blood pressure and cholesterol readings are mostly genetic, and not reflective of life style….so there will be pills and pre-existing conditions in my future whether I like it or not!!! I’m staying on COBRA and paying through the nose until our health care system gets somewhat fixed!!!! Here’s to taking care of ourselves!!
A new study says that “extremely obese people” (which is defined as being more than 80 pounds overweight) die as little as three years and as much as twelve years sooner than normal weight individuals. There could be a lot of reasons for this. The more obese a person becomes, the less they are probably moving around, exercising, and taking care of themselves. It’s like a snowball effect on your health and something that needs to be addressed now.
Thanks Diane, you really hit a chord with me. I used to weigh 129lbs when I was 20. Now, Im 29 years old and weigh 195lbs. Everyone around seems to be nice if I lose 10 or 15lbs, but when Im at my heaviest, I really feel the heat and discrimination. Even my boyfriend won’t go to public events with me if I reach over 190lbs. I feel like its all about a numbers game and keeping the weight off is so tough if you’ve been through an accident and medications that caused you to put on the weight. Thank you for being honest and hopefully society can make a change in the way they view obesity.